wear your scars like war paint
by splendorousfire
Summary: Wounds leave scars, while kisses leave no trace. The world is harsh, cold and unfair. Oneshot. Tyzula Advent.


_This is for the prompt metamorphosis. Warning for mature themes of abuse and incest._

* * *

Ten years had passed since Sozin's Comet stained the sky and burned an empire to a crisp. Ten years had passed since Ty Lee kissed Azula and Azula didn't kill her and instead kissed her back. Ten years had passed since Ty Lee destroyed the one good thing she had, and in all of those ten years, even after seeing Azula crumble, she never regretted it.

Four years had passed since Azula at last accepted an offer from Zuko. Four years had passed since Azula kissed Ty Lee and Ty Lee didn't punch her and instead kissed her back. Four years had passed since Ty Lee began to rebuild the one good thing she had, and, in all of those four years, even after the fights and tantrums and doubts, she never regretted it.

Their relationship's metamorphosis had logic—as much logic as a love story can have—but one thing did not seem right.

Ty Lee was too afraid to speak up until tonight.

"Is there something wrong with me?" she asked as Azula pulled away from her touch.

"How much time do you have?" Azula sarcastically replied.

"Really," whispered Ty Lee, although she knew it was futile. "Everybody I've ever even like _known_ has wanted to sleep with me and you don't and I just want to know why."

Azula gave no answer. That was rare and strange, and so Ty Lee changed the subject.

* * *

Ty Lee thought perhaps if she took the initiative, Azula would admit she wanted it too. Azula never was good at romance, social interactions or being a normal young woman. Ty Lee just had to coax it out of her like everything else in their post-Boiling Rock relationship.

She kissed Azula. That was well and fine; they made out upon occasion, at least.

Ty Lee gently pulled back, gazing at Azula's lips before leaning in and kissing her neck. That was further than they had ever been; a phenomena Ty Lee could not comprehend. Azula moaned, which Ty Lee took as a good sign. The Kyoshi Warrior was shaking. She did not want to make the wrong move, to sever their relationship or one of her own limbs forever. No, losing Azula would be worse than losing an arm or a leg.

When Ty Lee ran her tongue lightly over Azula's lower lip, the princess moaned into her mouth. It made Ty Lee shiver. Azula palmed her face and ran her fingers down to undo the tie around Ty Lee's braid.

Ty Lee's fingers skimmed the outside of her thighs first. Before she could touch Azula further, the princess pulled back and stood up.

"I'll see you tomorrow." She gave the cold dismissal without making eye contact.

* * *

Ty Lee did not try anything else.

Azula seemed comfortable with that.

They did not even kiss again after that night.

* * *

Finally, Ty Lee snapped. She was losing it, losing it when she slept beside the princess like it was still an innocent sleepover. If Azula did not _want_ her, did not _need_ her, then her entire life meant nothing. Nothing.

"Are you awake?" whispered Ty Lee, sitting up.

Azula exhaled as she rose to kneel across from her girlfriend.

"Barely," replied the princess.

Ty Lee rubbed her lips together; she was having second thoughts, but she squashed them. "We're just friends aren't we? We're less close than we were when we _were_ just friends, and there was more sexual tension when we were enemies. I didn't want to change from friends to enemies but it's worse to go through _this_ metamorphosis from lovers to friends."

Metamorphosis. Big word. Azula supposed Ty Lee had spent a good deal of time thinking up this speech.

Azula's eyes flickered and shone in the dark like a cat's. "I know what this is about. I…"

"Yes?" Ty Lee pleaded.

"I don't want to discuss it, but…" Azula freezes for a moment. "I don't want to discuss it."

Ty Lee slowly lied back down. Azula impulsively grabbed her wrist and pulled her back up and into a deep kiss. Ty Lee had her hopes up for a moment before Azula tore herself away like she always did.

"You don't want to touch me or something. Are you mad about something because I really am not really good at reading you and I hope I didn't make you mad? You're so good at words. You really are and I bet you can say them." Ty Lee felt her heart thud. This was the hardest thing she had ever done.

"It's not about want. I can't."

"Why?" Ty Lee shouted that and hated herself for it instantly. She half-expected to be strangled to death, but Azula did not move a muscle.

"Because when I touch you, I don't want to stop, but I need to stop because I refuse to let myself be any more insane," Azula said. "I'm tired of living in a world that isn't real."

Hallucinations, nightmares, detachment.

"Why?" Ty Lee whispered that and hated Azula for being so vague.

"Because…" Azula looked like she was going to throw up. She averted her eyes, then returned them to Ty Lee. She sighed. "Because I am… scared. I fear certain things and I am scared that I will look down and it won't be your hand on me. Is that good enough for you?"

Ty Lee did not know what to say. She felt sick.

It was not necessary to say who, not necessary to guess. Ty Lee had heard it behind her back, not that she ever believed such a thing because things like that didn't happen to beautiful, perfect people. Then again, Azula might have been beautiful, but she was not perfect, and she tended to attribute anything her father ever did to the fact that he knew she was horribly, painfully flawed.

"I'm…" _sorry that what Mai said about you seems to be true, but maybe it isn't, but it probably is._ "You don't have to talk about it."

"Good," said Azula. "I wasn't planning on it. My brother and I have very few things in common, and one of them he doesn't even know. We both were permanently scarred by our beloved father. So, leave me alone and go back to sleep."

Her voice was shaking; she was trying to hold onto power.

Ty Lee knew if she hugged her, it would make her angry. Yet, she also knew that if she didn't, it would make her lonely.

Azula curled up beneath her blankets before Ty Lee had to choose.

Ty Lee stared at the shadows of the ceiling. She was helpless, angry, and guilty. They congealed into a newfound emotion that was the worst she had ever felt.

Azula was shaking with silent sobs, but Ty Lee knew better than to say it aloud.

Ty Lee did not know what to do, but she knew she would do _something_. She would go slow or go dry or go out and murder an overthrown tyrant. Most of all, she would do whatever it took because she _loved_ the mad, mad girl and would never let her slip away.

While Ty Lee did not know much about it, Azula did. The princess wanted to change, but it would be slow. It would be painfully slow because she could not bear the idea of plunging in headfirst and drowning in shallow water. Love is an unusual chrysalis, but it had results.

Ty Lee lied down beside Azula and very, very slowly reached out to hold her hand.

Azula intertwined their fingers for the first time.


End file.
